Kids are a pain

Yes, kids are a pain.

When we were kids, we did loads of stupid stuff and got away with it. I wonder if our parents knew and just figured it was part of growing up? Could they have really been that naive? I suspect not. I wonder if they suspected but figured if it started to get serious they'd find out about it.

Travis called one day about a year ago. He was 18 years old and we have a rule in our house that he had to be home by mid-night. He called at about 12:15 and said that he was at a friends house and that he'd had a few drinks and that he didn't want to risk driving home so could he stay at his friends house.

What was I supposed to say "Ok, but when you get home I'm going kick your ass for under-age drinking!" Like that would have been good incentive for him to take a chance at telling me the truth the next time?

Once Travis got to college, I know that he did everything I did in college - maybe more - and he did it all in the first semester!

The fact is that drugs, alcohol and sex are out there. We can't protect them forever. Maybe in Travis' case, he wasn't mature enough to make a decision regarding these things. Certainly, we brought him up right. We told him, the school told him, his church group told him what to expect and the things he would run into at college. He ignored all that, hooked up with some questionable (but not necessarily "bad" kids - sort of like you and me were) and experimented.

Remember when we were kids, how we could just take off and go a mile away, by bike or walking to Abington Friends and play in the fields all day long? Sometimes we would take a long bike ride out to that park (I forget the name). It was like five or ten miles away - took an hour or so of bike ride to get there. We had no phones no nothing. Sometimes, on Saturday mornings I'd say, "I'll be back in time for dinner" and that is all that my mom knew.

My wife and I don't let our kids go bike riding by themselves without telling us where they will be and with who. We even make them call us if they decide to take a detour or stop at a drug store for some drinks. It's the times. Everyone we know does the same. We're all afraid that some nut is going to snatch our kids.

I think, as kids, we were free to make mistakes earlier than we let our kids. Our kids are too sheltered. On the other hand, I did some VERY stupid things that should have killed me.

For me, the real difficulty is finding the balance between cutting them a break because I love them and holding a hard line so they will know when they crossed the line. For me, the line moves around. Sometimes we (Lynda and I) are stricter, sometimes we are more lenient. Sometimes one is more lenient than the other.

Sometimes I think, since at 18, they can be drafted into the army and have most of the legal rights of an adult; I should let them make their own mistakes. But it is VERY difficult for me to watch them make mistakes. I often think "Damn, you have a virtual GOLD MINE of wisdom and learning in me. If you follow my advice, I can save you countless hours of pain and frustration. WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN!"

The big lesson I learned from Travis is to not say very much. Kids are smart and have heard it all before. I can say just a word or two and that's plenty. Knowing that he ignored all my lectures and attempts at telling him what to expect at college were all wasted, I now know not to waste unsolicited words on Alex and Ricky. They won't listen. If they ask, then I'll unload on them. But otherwise, I'm doing my best to be very terse.

I'll let you know if it helps with Alex. It will take a few years so stay in touch!